Hi guys
Not sure where to start. I guess this addiction started about 10 years ago maybe more. In the beginning like most I thought ot was a bit of harmless fun and that it wasn't am issue that I could stop anytime I wanted. Fast forward to the present day and I have exhausted every online bookie. I am deeply ashamed and lead a life of torment and worry for the future. I probably owe about 10 grand in debt and I know to some that's nothing compared to others but it has wrecked my life. I have lied to the people I love and I need pills to sleep. I don't recognise the person I have become anymore and I'm consumed with guilt. I take full ownership for not dealing with this sooner.
I think very little is being done by the online gaming operators. I have created many accounts even tho I have self exclusions in place but often all it takes is a simple different digit in your date of birth and you have a brand new account . I honestly believe betting companies know who you are but exploit you because they can. The trump card they usually play is when you want to withdraw its miraculously discovered that you have a self exclusion.
It's no different in the streets. You self exclude and a few shoos won't serve you but I can't understand why you cannot be excluded with one application to all book makers.
Recovery is very difficult when you have this to contend with.
Honestly I don't see a future. No house, no savings, almost mid 40s and nothing to show for almost 20 years working.
I feel so alone and of course I want to get better. I can't remember the last time I smiled and it was genuine. Sometimes I feel the walls are closing in so much that I can't take this awful , terrible way of living anymore. I'm broken mentally and I don't know what to do. I told my partner but I haven't told the real extent. They too suffer from other issues and I feel like a burden like another worry for them and that I've also destroyed their life too.
Never did I envisage this life for myself. I would rather be an alcoholic or drug user because then at least people would see the real you.
I need time out but with bills mounting and rent to pay how do you actually take time out of this rat race of a life .
I just dont know what to say anymore.
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